Column: Fifteen-minute warning

When you hear the word “freshman,” your mind automatically thinks “dorms,” right? Right. Along with dorm life come the dining commons (if anyone wants to donate a swipe, I won’t turn it down), the ability to ride a bike (at least in Davis) and of course the roommate who has a new guy over every night.

This is where I tell you about being “sexiled.” If you have been blessed to share a room with the floor slut or man whore, don’t worry. Many of the people that walk past you every day have had that problem, too.

Yes, one day, those seniors who own this campus – or think they do – were freshmen, too. They were forced to sleep in the study lounge just like you. If you haven’t, then you’re lucky.

If you’ve never had the experience of living in the dorms, well, I’m terribly sorry. You missed out big time! If you didn’t live in the dorms, though, you’re probably wondering what being sexiled means. It’s when you’re exiled from your own room so your roommate can get it on while trying not to fall off their extremely narrow, extra-long twin bed. It’s a skill, so exercise caution when assuming the position.

One evening – or was it four in the morning? I can’t remember -it happened to me. One minute I was dead asleep. Then the next my roommate woke me to say a boy was coming over. It could have been my half-asleep state of mind or the fact that I wanted my roommate to get “some,” but I got up and out of bed. I found another place to sleep, and my roommate had the time of her life.

While I have been a victim of sexiling, I have also committed the crime. Please don’t shoot! It was during spring quarter at my sorority’s formal. My date and I decided to basically skip dinner and went up to our hotel room, which we shared with two other people, to do “you know what.”

Next thing we knew the hotel maintenance guy was opening the door. I jumped off the bed and opened the door. Lesson learned.

Since I figured this is a common practice among college students, I spoke to some fellow Aggies about the topic. Some had funny stories. Some not so much. I have one to share with you, though.

This story is from a male who would like to remain anonymous. It’s about your “typical beezy” freshman.

One boy, let’s call him Frank, was hooking up with the “beezy” and sexiled his roommate out of their room for a while. His roommate, who we’ll call Dave, let him have an hour to do his thing. It had been an hour and 10 minutes and Dave was getting antsy so he called Frank, but no answer. Asshole. Dave “assumed the worst.” (Or the best depending on how you look at it.) Finally, Dave went in to find his roommate asleep with the girl.

From this, Dave realized giving or having time limits puts a damper on the mood for both the sexiler and sexilee. You feel restricted. You may constantly be thinking your roommate could walk in at any minute.

Sexiling happens. So get over it. There’s no need to get upset about it, because one day karma will be on your side for the selfless deed you did.

For the sexilers: If you’re going to do it, please be nice. Give some warning and a time frame, if possible. Try not to wake your roommate from a deep sleep if it can be avoided. Coordinate your schedules and use the give-and-take method. You do this for me, I’ll do something for you. Take turns, and please save us from the moans and groans – don’t do it while your roommate is sleeping. She will wake up.

For the sexilees: I’m sorry, but it’s part of living in the dorms. If you do it for your roommate, there’s a chance she’ll do it for you. If you let her have at it with the boy from the party, maybe she’ll realize what a dick he was and will never come back. Hey, you might even make a new friend in the study lounge!

ERICA BETNUN is serious about the DC. If you want to swipe her in, let her know. She can be reached at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.

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